Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
