I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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