I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
