you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
