Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You made out with two different species that night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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