Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
