I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
