I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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