why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
