i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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