Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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