Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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