Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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