haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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