halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
