I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
