3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
