the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
