butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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