I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
