You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
