i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nutella sex= disaster
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
