i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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