Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
