this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
