we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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