I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
