well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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