my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
