Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
