well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
