how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Alive.
So much puke
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
