hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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