and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
