Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
