I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
