I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
