3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
