So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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