Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
