So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
