They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
