Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
