he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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