After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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