Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
