I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
