if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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