I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
