I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
