Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
