God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
